Waiting
by gethsemane342
Summary: Oneshot. A boy snuck back to join the fight and now he lies dying. These are his final thoughts.


Disclaimer: I do not not own Harry Potter in any shape or form.

Geth342: Just a short oneshot on one boy's feelings as he lies dying in the battle. Please read and review.

Waiting

I am waiting to die.

I'm going to die, there's no doubt about that. I can feel the blood seeping from my side, and I can see that no one is going to help me. Why should they? This is a war and I am clearly a lost cause. Why waste time and strength trying to revive someone with no hope when there are Death Eaters causing chaos?

I only have myself to blame. They told us that anyone underage had to leave Hogwarts, but I didn't listen. Instead, I hung back and snuck into the fracas, determined to do my part.

The Death Eaters had my parents murdered for being muggle-borns. Even my twin brother was killed this year- he died from being tortured with the Crucio spell a few months ago. He had never been strong.

They did not give me time to grieve. There is no time for love or mourning in their regime. Only for hatred and fighting.

When I stayed back, I knew that I would probably die. I didn't care. All I wanted was revenge. Strange that- revenge seems to be a death eater idea. I'm only in my third year; I don't know enough magic to survive. But I managed to injure a few death eaters before one got me. Even then I managed to set my assailant on fire. George Weasely finished the job.

One or two people trip over my legs, ignoring my gasping as I try futilely to stop the bleeding. I ignore the noise and use the time to think over my short life. Do I regret my involvement? Not really. I used my power to help. I proved my right as a Hufflepuff- brave, loyal (and perhaps not much common sense).

I don't think I'll be missed that much. I have no family and very few friends. I spent so much time worrying about my brother that people didn't want to get to know me. It was him they liked. I heard plenty of people saying to each other 'Poor Alwin Dando. He needs help getting up those stairs. But he's so cheerful all the time. If it was me, I'd be really upset. Ricky though, he's seriously weird. Can't he be more like Alwin?' It never really upset me. I preferred looking after Alwin to making hundreds of friends. Like mum said, who needs friends when you've got family? I did have a few friends. I told none of them I was staying to fight. They would have stopped me if they knew.

If I'm honest, there are two things I regret. I regret leaving Amanda Johns. She was one of my few friends. I helped her fight off some bullies in our first year and we became inseparable after that. I had a crush on her, but I don't know if she felt the same way back, although she did like to hug me. I guess I'll never know now.

The other thing I regret is that I will never see the world if we win the war. A world completely without You-Know-Who seems too wonderful to contemplate. My dad, he always said that You-Know-Who would return one day, but the rest of us weren't too convinced. Then, just before I was due to start at Hogwarts, Harry Potter said that he's returned and my dad could only smugly say 'I told you so'. My brother always sided with my dad, so I sided with him and believed Harry. The threat of You-Know-Who had suddenly become real.

I can't imagine the celebrations people will have. It will be all around the world I reckon, and there'll be fireworks and parties. People will make songs about the heroes and they'll be known for centuries.

Not me I suppose. The idea of the celebrations gives me comfort but I know that no one will sing songs about me. After all, who would notice weird little Ricky Dando when there are people like Harry Potter, the Weasely family and so many others to admire? Maybe Amanda and a few others will remember me but no one else. They don't know I'm here.

Still, hopefully everyone will be safe and in the end that will be worth it. It's better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

The world is beginning to spin and I feel a bit light headed. Someone treads on my hand but I don't notice the pain. It's weird thinking that in less than five minutes, I won't see any of this. It's weird to think that I'll soon close my eyes and never breathe or talk or…or feel pain, ever again. My breathing is speeding up as I think this. I'll miss all that. The idea of the world moving without me is so strange. There are hundreds of things I'll miss: little things like chocolate and comics. Big things like friends and magic…

When I was younger I would ask my parents what happens when we die and they would paint a wonderful picture of heaven. In just a few minutes I'll find out if they were right.

There are a million things I wish I'd done in my life. Thirteen years always seemed like a long time, but suddenly it feels really short. I don't want to die unmourned. Perhaps I shouldn't have thrown my life away like this. My dad's words come back to me- there's always something to live for. No sense in giving myself up for dead. It's too late now, but suddenly I realise exactly what I am. I'm not a strong wizard, ready to take on the world. I'm a scared young boy who just wants his family.

I'm struggling to keep my eyes open and the world around me is darkening. I decide that I want my last thought to be a happy one. Leave this world as the man I tried to be.

I think of the first day of the summer holidays two years ago. My family and a few others having a big celebration for no real reason. Just all of us laughing and having a good time outside. My breathing eases- I have been struggling for breath for a while now- and I smile slightly.

As the world darkens, I concentrate more on my happy picture. I need to keep it in my head. I don't want to brood on the war.

The sound around me fades… In my head Amanda throws a piece of cake at me, giggling.

Breathing becomes hard work…Mum is trying Karaoke

Darkness rushes towards me…Dad teaches me and a few others to ride a broom.

Pain fades… I'm standing with Alwin, waiting for Mum to ta-


End file.
